I haven’t had to turn to music in years to think things through. I’m not sure if it is helping me decide, but more helping quieten my stomach. I don’t feel sick, just uneasy. I want to say no, but I can see the logical answers in front of me. I know I should be stoked. And I’m flattered, but it just doesn’t feel … right … I guess. I can hardly tell why it doesn’t, but it doesn’t.
I trust my gut in most instances, and with this one, it seems like it’s telling me to stay where I am for now. Is it because of something in the future? Is it because it knows I won’t like the job? Is it worried about damaging the relationship with my current work place. I can’t tell. But there is something which is holding me back, and telling me not to take it.
Many people reading this won’t know exactly what I’m talking about. But maybe I’m being more dense than it seems to me. Let’s just say, I’ve been given a fantastic opportunity (job wise) but I’m not jumping for joy.
Often I’m good at deciphering what I want and what I don’t. But then I’ve proven myself wrong. My first full time job out of high school, I hated it in the first week. I didn’t want to go to the interview and it was my mum who convinced me too. I ended up loving it and only just quit three years later.
But before I started my current job, I was offered another and although I initially thought I wanted it, when it got close to be offered to me, I panicked. I felt like I was suffocating in the idea of taking it. I ended up not getting the position, so I never got to prove those feelings right or wrong, but I like to think it’s because the awesome job I have now was waiting to be given to me.
Is that what I’m anticipating? Is that what is holding me back? There’s something inside me that can tell there’s something better for me in the future. Or that, for some reason that nobody can see, that I shouldn’t take this second job?
I don’t know.
But I think I almost have my answer.
If my feelings don’t change dramatically over night, I think I’ll say no, despite what may seem the best for me.
It just doesn’t feel the best for me. (Even though that statement sounds super wishy washy, it’s good enough for me)